Confidence is a skillset
I was riding my peloton one day and my favorite instructor brought up the topic of confidence during what felt like the hardest part of the ride. If you know Tunde, you know! She always gets philosophical during the heaviest climbs or the most intense parts of the ride, but it’s always right on time. She started talking about how if you want to feel confident working out, or riding the bike, then it’s something you need to practice. Working out and being confident at it isn’t something that is a given, it’s not a trait. As I was climbing, breathless, and sweating, it hit me….why is it that we feel confident in some areas but we lack confidence in others? I can’t tell you how many people have told me “You’re just so confident”. Here’s my message to those people.
Confidence is a skillset. It’s not a trait. It’s not something you’re born with, it’s not something that has been GIVEN to you. Confidence in anything takes deliberate effort, and practice. When I was in highschool, I was approached by the varsity basketball coach who was relentless in recruiting me to join his team. I guess he saw my athletic ability and my height because I had never truly touched a basketball in my life. I was a soccer player. I was great at it. I was on a club team and a highschool team and I didn’t really have any business adding something else onto my plate. I ended up trying out for the basketball team anyway because my best friend was doing it too. I was TERRIBLE. Couldn’t even make a layup. I made the freshman team and wasn’t even confident that I belonged there.
Knowing that I had to improve my skill set (because to be quite honest, freshman team was not good enough for me) I went out everyday (after soccer) and worked on dribbling skills, free throw shots and conditioned even harder. I started playing basketball against my dad so I would be better prepared for bigger girls on the court. I would show up to basketball practice and eventually I was out sprinting my teammates. I was rebounding better and perfected my free throw shots. By the end of the season, I was swinging up to the varsity team.
I had to develop the skills so that I could become confident in the sport. It took intention, effort and desire to do so. My confidence in being a basketball player was definitely NOT HIGH. It wasn’t given to me. It was something I had to work at. How many times do we quit something, or not even try something new because we lack the confidence? Too often! Everything we want in life worth having is going to take practice and development so that we can cultivate those skills to eventually attain the bigger goal. In my adult life, I still hear the same “You’re so confident at (fill in the blank)”. Whether it’s public speaking, showing up on social media, working out, blogging, my job (which took immense skill building because I was asked to lead people 40 years my seniors), I have had to develop all of those skills.
We have to get out of the mentality that we can’t start something new or try something new because we’re not confident at it. It’s going to take time, practice and skill building to nurture that confidence. I do believe we are given natural talents and abilities. We are given certain strengths that we should build on. But things like becoming a business owner, working out, public speaking, are all things someone can become confident in when they develop the necessary skills. Confidence doesn’t mean you won’t have bad and insecure days. But it does mean that it took someone getting out of their comfort zone, stretching and developing in order to achieve it.
The next time you see someone exuding confidence, know that they worked for it and they did what it takes to grow that confidence.
The next time you think you can’t do something, ask yourself what necessary skills would you need to develop so that you CAN do it.
Here are a few quick tips to boost your confidence:
Start lifting weights- strength training has been proven to increase confidence especially in women! It is a physical task, but the mental stamina and confidence that it builds is equally as important.
Start something new- when we start something new, or learn a new skill, we develop new pathways in our brain. When we achieve or accomplish a new task, our brains are triggered and the feel good hormones tell us “hey, I feel great! Let’s do that again”.
Dive into personal development- we have to continually dive into personal development. Whether it be podcasts, books or conferences, I am a huge believer of personal development and how it has helped me become more confident.
Say positive affirmations out loud- there is so much power in our words and what we tell ourselves everyday. I have a few different affirmations I tell myself everyday. Don’t make it weird, but make it part of your morning routine to set a great tone for the day.
Livs Affirmations
Remember that you are going for it. You are bravely moving toward your dream. You are surrounded by unthinkable miracles and opportunities. Lean back, relax, and be grateful that you’re living on purpose, that you’re hanging out in a high frequency, and that everything you need is zooming toward you.
I am a winner. I am capable of everything I set my mind to. I take every setback and use it to my advantage. I am confident in who I am. I am confident in what I have to offer the world. I am confident in my abilities and my purpose. I am not held back by fear, doubt or disappointment. I am daringly showing up to contribute something beautiful & meaningful to this world.