My Hair Journey…Learning to Embrace the Frizz
For those of you who know me, you know I’ve struggled in the past with my hair. My mom is Caucasian and my dad is African American. There’s some Native American and German mixed in there as well which results in a head full of hair that for the longest time I didn’t know how to handle. When I was little, I remember my mom telling me I could never get a relaxer, only blow dry it straight from time to time. Even though I understand now, I had no idea back then she was just looking out for me. I think growing up biracial, you think one of two things. One: I absolutely LOVE MY HAIR! Or Two: Why is my hair different from most people? Why can’t I have straight hair? My mom always did my hair in cute hairstyles when I was little. As I got older, I started to do it on my own. I hated wearing my hair down (because I didn’t know how to do it) so it was in a bun almost all the time. I would straighten it twice a year to ‘fit in’, or wear it in braids so you couldn’t tell I had curly hair. I went seven years without getting a haircut. In college, I did start to wear it down but it was still dry, dull and had no body whatsoever. I had no idea how to style it, and I was using toxic products which I’m sure yielded more damage. After those seven years of not trusting anybody with my hair, I had a breaking point and finally made the appointment. They say, when a girl cuts her hair, she’s about to change her life. Well, mine did!
After days of researching top hair stylists, I finally found a curly hair specialist in Denver. Keep in mind, it had been SEVEN years!! I needed to make sure this person was legit and knew how to cut my hair. Lesson 1: if you have natural curly hair and your stylist is cutting your hair wet…I promise you’re doing it wrong. I went into the salon, and as he started looking at my hair he proceeded to tell me that it looked like I was trying to glue my hair onto my head. OMG! I love honesty so it was refreshing to hear him say that. I needed a wake up call! He then started to cut my hair and I watched seven years of growth start to fall on the floor. I had never had my hair cut like that before and I had never been educated on how to style it. Probably because not one hair stylist who had ever touched my hair in the past knew what they were doing. I left the salon that day changed. I literally felt like I was a new woman and a new found purpose to help other curly girls came over me. Ironically, my company launched a hair care line that same fall which has catapulted me into a passion that was once something I dreaded talking about.
Below I have mapped out the steps necessary I believe you need to embrace your hair and also the education to know how to style it. Everyone has their own unique set of hair. What has worked for me may not work for you. But I would be selfish if I didn’t share these tips and tricks with you.
Stop using a brush! This might be the most important lesson I share with you! When you have curly hair you’re told to use a paddle brush or a wide toothed comb. I know, I did it for the first 25 years of my life. When I went in and got my hair cut I noticed not one time did he use a brush. Not once! He used his fingers the entire time from start to finish. Your fingers are the best detangulars and the best styling tools. The brushes and combs actually cause more damage! When you’re in the shower, use your fingers to comb through your hair and distribute whatever conditioner you’re using.
Wash with warm water, rinse with cool water. The reason you shampoo with warm water is to open the hair cuticle. You want to get in there and actually clean the hair. You rinse the conditioner with cool water however to seal in the conditioner and close the hair cuticle or in other words clump the curls together.
Trash the toxic products. It takes less than 30 seconds for chemicals in your hair and makeup products to penetrate into your blood stream. Download the Think Dirty App on your phone and type in whatever products you’ve been using. This app rates products on how toxic they are based on numerous different factors. The scale is from 0-10, 10 being highly toxic. I was using Tresemme for curls, and every single product scored above an 8! There are so many product lines that are non toxic. Shop around, scan them through the app and figure out which ones work best for you! To start, your shampoo should not have sulfates. Sulfates are what cause the bubbles. The more bubbles, usually the more toxic the product and the more damage is being caused.
Use essential oils & scalp serums. Lavender oil, peppermint oil, and apricot oil have been my go to’s. At night before I go to bed, I take a few drops of lavender oil or peppermint oil and mix it with my scalp serum. Then I give myself a nice scalp massage. Living in Colorado, it can get super dry. The oils help sooth my scalp and the apricot oil also helps with split ends. When you’re refreshing your hair, use the apricot oil to scrunch at the bottom of your split ends.
Do not, and I mean do not towel dry. Immediately when you get out of the shower, style your hair with your favorite products. Your hair should be soaking wet. I style mine in the shower to avoid getting water and product everywhere. Then, I take a microfiber towel to scrunch out the excess. If you don’t have a microfiber towel, use an old t-shirt. The goal isn't necessarily to dry your hair with this, rather to seal in the product you’ve used and soak up any excess. After you do this, leave your hair alone!!! I put a Butterly clip in to lift the roots so they dry faster and to create more volume. Other than that, I leave my hair alone and do not touch it until it’s about 80% dry. Once I’m at that point, I scrunch out the cast (cast is the coating around the hair from the gel or cream). Then I shake out the roots with my fingers, tilt my head from side to side. The more you scrunch and flip your hair, the more volume and definition you will create.
If you live in a dry climate, don’t diffuse. Diffusing can be great for more defined curls but it can also be super damaging and drying to your hair. I always notice more frizz when I diffuse. It also takes forever! If you’re going to diffuse, put the blowdryer on the cool setting on high. Don’t do this until again…80% dry. Use your fingers as the actual diffuser, scrunch and separate the curls. Finish with a little oil to seal in the curl and to add a little shine.
Find a hairstylist who specializes in cutting curly hair. I know you may have that family friend that’s a hairstylist but if they were not trained on how to cut your hair….it’s time for them to go. Find someone in your area who specializes in naturally curly hair. Make sure they cut hair when it’s dry. If you’re going to get color put into your hair, make sure they use organic hair color, most salons do! This is something I splurge on because it’s worth it!
Stop washing your hair everyday. Once you learn how to style your hair and what to use on it, your wash and go should last you 3-4 days even with working out. I always thought I needed to wet my hair everyday and I washed it way too often. I probably shampoo once a week now. Your wash and go will last longer if you’re sleeping on a satin pillow case or if you use a satin hair wrap. I don’t put my hair up to sleep. I sleep with it down and retrain the curls the next morning. You may need a little water and maybe some conditioner or a refreshing product but the product from your initial wash and go should still be in there. I use a cream and a gel so my styles last longer. I always notice more volume the longer I go without washing. This is how you get BIG hair!
Get a trim. I use to hate when my parents would tell me this. I didn’t believe them when they told me my hair would grow stronger and faster after each trim. Once again, they were right! If your hair is damaged and you have very little to no curl definition, cut it! You have to literally retrain your hair to grow in it’s natural form. Getting a trim is also good for reshaping the curl pattern and for training your hair on how to lay. If it’s looking flat, like mine is because of Coronavirus and not being able to go to the salon, then its time for a trim sis!
Deep condition. Once a week, use a deep conditioning mask. I usually leave mine in over night. I tie my hair into a bun, with a ton of conditioner and rinse it out and style the next day. You have to nourish your hair, just like you nourish your skin. You can even make your own hair masks!
As I mentioned in the beginning, all of us are different. We all have our own curl patterns. After tons of trial and error, these are things that have worked for me! Once you have the basics down, you can figure out your own methods. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me! Invest in your hair. You wear it everyday. The crown on your head should be embraced!
Consider your hair as your conduit to your creator. Let it’s beauty be a reflection of your true spiritual radiance.
What happens when you don’t know how to take care of your hair…..
vs THE GLOW UP
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