Who’s In Your Corner?
They say that you are the sum of the 5 people you associate with. Or that “your vibe attracts your tribe”. I use to question certain romantic relationships because we just didn’t vibe. Then I started to question “friendships” because some of those felt off too. I couldn’t pinpoint it for the longest time. I was always wondering why I would leave from hanging out with certain people and just feel empty. I found myself asking the question over and over again why I wasn’t flourishing in certain aspects of life. One day it all clicked. I was sitting in a business conference when I heard those very words “you are the sum of the five people you surround yourself with”. Suddenly everything made sense. I had the epiphany as to why I wasn’t flourishing in all areas of my life. Not to put any blame on others as to why I’m successful and fruitful but to shift the blame back onto me. I had the power to remove myself from certain relationships and my circles of influence but for some reason I was too afraid to. What I know now is when you have the right people in your corner, your life begins to shift.
I never really enjoyed partying. I went to maybe two parties in high school. I can count how many times I went out in college. I’m all for a good time but it never really felt like me. I always felt like the odd ball out. I’d much rather be sitting at home watching a movie or reading a book. Yet I was surrounded by people who thrived off of living for the weekend. I also have always been mature for my age. Some call me an old soul. I’m a hard worker, independent and I have really big vision for my life. I’m crystal clear on what I want. Yet I was surrounding myself with people who couldn’t see past tomorrow. I was surrounded by people who were negative. Caught in between leaving those circles and looking for new circles, I constantly felt pulled between the night life Liv who wanted to fit in and the Liv who wanted to flourish but knew it would be painful leaving some of those relationships behind.
This is not a judgement or shaming blog for anyone who enjoys the night life. Like I said, I’m all for having a great time here and there. You all know how much I love wine and tequila. I was doing so however only to fit in even when I didn’t want to. What I realized is that there are people who are just like me, who want the same things I do and who will push me to be better. I’ve found my tribe. My core 5. Below I have some helpful points for you to identify if the people you’re surrounding yourself with are the people you want to emulate.
How to find your tribe:
Do these people make more money than you? Listen, we can talk about money another day cause that’s an entirely different blog post. I could write for days about the topic of money. My point is, when you surround yourself with those who have monetarily more than you, they can show you how to handle it. They can show you how to do good things with it. I’m inspired by people who contribute to their societies using what they’ve earned. I’m inspired when they can just get up and go on vacation whenever they want. I don’t know if you can relate to this or not but I’m inspired when people educate others on how to earn income. Not just going to a job, but actually creating something for themselves. Money isn’t evil. It’s a tool. Find those who have used this tool efficiently to better serve the lives of others.
Do these people have faith and a solid belief system? There’s nothing worse than sitting with a group of people who don’t have faith. Such limited thinking will have an effect on you and how you view the world. Do you believe you were created in Gods image and that God can only create remarkable things? If so, you’re probably subscribed to the blog, but you also need to ask yourself does my circle believe the same thing? If not, figure out how to have open dialogue and be an example. Nobody likes a preachy friend. This is not intended to separate you from people who believe different, but to help you identify that faith is the center of everything. Without it, you have nothing. Knowing you have a support group who has faith in you is everything. The conversation is different. This goes for romantic relationships too.
Do these people bring high vibes to the party or low vibes? We all can think of that one person who walks in and suddenly the entire room feels like a black hole. Don’t be this person. Furthermore, don’t associate with these kind of people. Surround yourself with high vibrational humans who can keep you grounded, but also can bring positivity to any situation.
Are they your biggest encourager? Cheerleader? Number one customer? I have so many friends who own their own businesses and it baffles me how many of their friends don’t support them. My best friend is my number one customer, promoter and advocate. That’s not to brag but to emphasize the fact that it’s not normal for your “best friend” to not support you. I don’t care if I’m selling paper plates. My closest friends and family should be my biggest cheerleaders (unless I’m doing something illegal, or detrimental to society). I promise you those friends are out there and you don’t have to settle for mediocre surface level friendships.
Do they downplay your dreams? Most people will downplay your dreams because they’ve already given up on their own. Don’t let their projection and their fears get in the way of what lights you on fire. How exhausting the people closest to you always finding something negative to say!! It takes a mentally strong person to take captive every thought and train their brain to think about the positive far more than the negative. These people are out there. Find them. It’s easy to be negative and to be a naysayer. Don’t take the easy route.
Do they have vision? I’m assuming you’re reading this blog or that you’re subscribed to this blog because you enjoy inspiration. You enjoy reading about someone else’s perspective and you’re reading because you have vision. So when I ask you if your friends have vision, I’m asking because it’s crucial to your wellbeing and success to be around like minded people. So often, people try to piggy back or ride the coat tails of someone else’s vision. You can’t borrow vision. It will only get you so far. I’ve been the friend who tried to paint the picture for my other friends hoping they would automatically think big and outside the box like I do. It’s impossible. We each need to have our own vision. It’s the only authentic way to be in relationship with others. Where there is no vision, the people perish.
Do they protect you? This one is pretty self explanatory. Do they have your back? Not just when it’s convenient for them, but all the time. Will they fight for you? Can you call on them when you’re in need? Make a list of specific times when you’ve needed them and how they showed up. Also, keep in mind you’re in someone else’s sphere as well. Are you protecting them?
Are they self starters? When your friends are self starters, they’ll understand why you may have to miss a few nights out. They’ll understand you’re going to have to make sacrifices to get what you want. They’ll know because they’re doing it too and they wont have time to make you feel bad about it.
Do they allow open communication without being offended? I’m sure you know this by now, but I’m very honest. Very direct. Growing up with two parents who never sugar coated anything I learned that being honest in relationships is healthy. By being honest, I mean allowing a safe space for you to communicate when the other person isn’t being a great friend, when they need to hear what you’re saying not just what they want to hear. I love relationships where people call me out. It’s a reality check. We cant be aware of what we do 100% of the time and the effect it will have on others. What we CAN do however is be OPEN to receiving the information. Having a mature conversation and trying not to take anything personally. This one is hard. You may lose a friend or two but until they’re ready to receive your authenticity and truth then maybe their journey to self awareness isn’t where yours is at the time. Friendships are built on trust. This trust means allowing each other to speak truth while remembering it’s not an attack.
Are they safe? After my relationship ended a few years ago, my counselor gave me a quiz called safe people. The quiz talks about safe people, versus unsafe people. To my surprise, people I never thought to be considered “unsafe” popped into my head. An unsafe person is someone who has selfish motives. Someone who only shows up when it makes sense for them. Someone who refuses to apologize. Someone who will NEVER congratulate you. Someone who belittles you or talks down to you. Someone who minimizes your dreams and always brings up your past. These are unsafe people. I think we can justify some of this behavior because these people are closest to us, but we have the choice to decide what we’re deserving of. Be mindful of who you give your energy to . When you give your energy to something, you’re giving it power.
So, my question to you is: Who’s in your circle?
Here’s to new friendships, existing friendships that give us life, flourishing friendships, uplifting friendships, and surrounding ourselves with better people.
xoxo
Liv