Things Dad Says
It wouldn’t be right for me to write a blog post about Mother’s Day and then write nothing at all for Father’s Day. My dad doesn’t like gifts, and he usually just wants to spend the day relaxing. This would be great, except for the fact I looovee gift giving. This has forced me to get creative and think outside of the box when it comes to what I’m actually going to do for each birthday and holiday that involves gifts. This year, I have a few ideas planned but I wont’t give them away here because he’s subscribed obviously. Instead, I’m hoping to share with you some things my dad has said to me throughout the years; “Charlesisms”, along with a glimpse into our journey as father and daughter . If you know my dad, you know he’s quite the character. He’s charismatic, funny, stubborn but has the biggest heart for people and he might match me in his love for food.
My best memories I have with my dad all involve food. I truly believe this is where my love for cooking and dining comes from. My dad worked for corporate America before he became a business owner. This meant we frequented restaurants and sporting events often. He’s the reason I’m spoiled when it comes to where I choose to eat and I am not mad about it. My dad taught me how to order sushi, how to make the best ramen noodles you’ve ever had in your life (so terrible I know) and he’s now my margarita/ red wine drinking partner. To this day, when he comes to my house, he’s always saying “Let’s get some grease poppin”, or “what we gona eat?”. I can always count on him to share a meal with me or cook a feast for 2-3 people.
When I think back on how we became as close as we are now, I think about all of the trials we had to go through to get here. The relationship between my dad and I went through waves when I was younger. I think I had this idea of the perfect dad in my mind which sets such high expectations on somebody who is imperfectly human. People tell me all the time “you’re so close to your parents”. I honestly believe its because I’m a girl, I was raised as an only child and we’ve been through A LOT. My relationship with my dad started to grow stronger when I was in high school. I would have him come and pick me up during lunch because I didn’t have many people to eat with. He would take me out to do conditioning drills, shooting drills and other activities when I started playing high school along with competitive sports to keep me on top of my game. Even though he was there when I was a little girl, these are the times that I believe helped mold me. The hard things, when he was pushing me to be better, when he was rescuing me from eating alone as a teenager (high school was terrible). Even when we would get into fights, I believe this helped structure the strong relationship we have now because Lord knows I’m stubborn as well. Dad’s aren’t perfect. They battle generational curses too. Sometimes they don’t even know its generational trauma that they’re breaking. I say be easy on them. Don’t set unrealistic expectations upon them. This will only lead to being let down. Express gratitude for having the relationship at all. Being present is half the battle.
I can remember when I started dating, my dad was silent at first. As I started to experience heartbreak however, I can vividly remember sitting down with my dad and him explaining things to me from a males perspective. Ladies, let me tell you; if you EVER need advice he is the one to go to. When I went through my breakup, he was the one telling me “You’re a champ!”. When I was anxious about finding a man he would tell me “Everything you do starts with your mind. You gotta get your mind right.”. My mind was NOT RIGHT after that relationship and these words helped me figure out what I needed to do for me. He would also say “Focus on you and the rest will follow.”. Then he would explain to me and remind me of who I was in Christ first. Men who don’t understand that or who aren’t on that same journey simply won’t be able to provide for me emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes I look at him after he says these things and wonder where all of this wisdom was BEFORE I started dating. I think I can speak for my dad when I say he was afraid of me dating. So rather than having these convos beforehand, he had them after the fact. Better late than never! I know all about the male psyche now thanks to my dad. Not sure if this is good or bad but I’m grateful.
Dad’s are God’s gift. The present fathers who encourage, lift up, discipline, provide, cry, teach, listen…these are the dads we need more of and these are the dads we celebrate today. I know many people may read this and feel triggered or maybe even compare their relationship to their dad with mine. Please understand my dad and I have gone through many battles to get to where we are today. With a lot of grace, patience, love and acceptance (for who they are, not who we want them to be), that is where the real relationship starts. It starts from communicating past hurts, current hurts. It starts by understanding they too have their own demons they struggle with.
“Never worry about what’s in your rear view mirror, only your windshield.”. This is my dads constant reminder to me when I think about the past or when I get stuck on why certain things didn’t work out. So simple, yet it speaks volumes to what we should focus on and that’s what is in front of us, not what’s behind us. This could be true for your relationship with your dad too. Holding grudges, not forgiving will keep you stuck in the past with no way of moving forward. I don’t know who all will read this but I hope it encourages you to love a little harder; especially today. Today, we celebrate all of the dads. The stepdads, the bonus dads, the uncles who have turned to dads, the dads who hold it down all by themselves and those who have lost their dads.
Happy Father’s Day!
xo Liv